Our similarities and not differences

In between coaching sessions today, I ran out to the stores and was held ransom to the announcement that 'Easter" is upon us... Aisles are laden with bunnies, chocolate eggs, marshmallow eggs even "Hello Kitty" is wrapped around an egg!

Driving back to my office I wondered if a non-Jewish person was aware of the fact that Pesach (Passover) happens to fall over the Easter weekend this year? What great marketing campaigns promote Easter and yet not Passover?

For the first 22 years of my life I was Roman Catholic being born into an Italian family and at the age of 22 I made the choice to convert to Reform Judaism. And for a number of years practiced and followed the Jewish faith. And then I started looking at the perspective of "where we are similar" rather than different...And that's what I was reminded of today.

Easter and Pesach share a number of values that I hold dear...

Passover and Easter are both 'home-based' festivals: home and family are incredibly important to me.  For those of you who do know me, you know that I would far rather have you at my 'dinner' table than eating at a restaurant... You would probably also know that my 'chickens' are very important to me and the fact that Genevieve is miles away on the other side of the world makes me sad from time to time...

Both festivals acknowledge the value of 'freedom':  Choice a word that comes to mind when I think of freedom... I was 'free to choose' way back when to change my religious beliefs...I hold 'choice' close to my heart every day when I choose the manner in which I engage with my family, my clients, my friends and the world at large...
Wars are fought each day around the desire for freedom...Not much has changed from Moses to now...

And eggs...Let's not forget eggs...
Eggs are recognised in both the Jewish and Christian practices around Pesach and Easter....The gift of life and rebirth...

Hmm, aren't we fortunate.  We get to choose each day to 'rebirth' ourselves...

Now what would be a perfect Easter and Pesach be for me...One with hot cross buns, cream filled chocolate eggs, matzoh with Maldon salt, tzimmes and lamb.... And to top it all - my family around my table...

What if we concentrated on our similarities rather than on our differences?

Immersed in "Jerseylicious"

I know that coming from Africa I am exposed to 'pussy print' and zebra throws and the occasional mounted faux lion head (I pray it is faux)...And that I do have a love of cats, big and small and so does our Belgian Bouvier hence the fact that we don't have any 4-legged cats or kittens strutting their stuff through the passages of our home.

But WOW! this weekend was an opportunity to learn to 'lurv' (aka love) pussy print, "Jersey Shore" and "Jerseylicious" in its magnificence.

My youngest daughter's 14th birthday expression.  It started out with the nails (hers) being done on Friday (pussy print of course) and it was wrapped up on Sunday (her actual birthday) with pussy print attire being donned by girl of the moment and guests, to animal inspired gifts and accessories to the piece de resistance - a feline inspired birthday cake!

And what did I learn?

That it's fantastic to share your passion and desires with the world; for when you do the world hears you and amplifies those passions and desires in mirroring them back to you in so many interesting and unexpected ways.

I also realised this weekend that it's allright to stand up for yourself and do so with respect to both you and others; that even though the 'others' may not understand fully your perspective, the mere fact that you have taken ownership of it and have held it up with mutual respect, they are then able to mirror mutual respect.

I've also realised that I'm probably a cat myself...

I feel accomplished when I've brought home the 'prey' for my family to enjoy.

I am also aloof and only ask for love and attention when I need it and not when you do...

I'm generally 'on guard' watching every movement of yours albeit that you may like to think that I'm docile and observing the world through sleepy eyes...

I've also realised that I have a 'rough tongue' and can be abrasive and yet this passes quickly as it is in me the duality of soft and fierce...

That I am fiercely protective of my young...

Who would have thought that from a pussy print inspired 14th birthday, that I would have learned so much about me.

Happy Birthday Ariane,
Love Mom

Creating a new reality

So this was my Blackberry status at the beginning of the week and even though I typed these words for the world to see, I was in no way prepared for the manner in which this intention (thought) was going to be reflected back to me...

What was the reality... Definitely one of being aware of what I was consciously choosing in my life from friends, to work engagements, to language in conversations - to putting me first and being allright with that...

Part of the reality was to gift myself the time and space to ask and hear and listen to what it was that I want from life and not what I think I should be asking for, or what I think others believe I should be creating or asking for...

For a whole 2 days, I asked myself pertinent questions like
- what worked for me last year; what did I achieve?
- what didn't work; where did I fall into the gap?
- what am I wanting for myself this year and how will my values show up in these wants and desires?
- how differently do I want to be seen and experienced this year?
- what are non-negotiable goals and intentions for me this year?

And so the process of changing my reality began...

I put it out there... I've changed the language and scope on my website; I've hit the treadmill on a regular basis; I've put plans in place to save money, where my language before has always been "I don't have any so how can I save?"; I've brought more fun into my space; I've let go a little more...

And the reality that is being reflected?  I'm hearing that I appear to be 'softer, more at peace'; I'm being contracted to work in the space that I adore - coaching and event speaking!
The scale hasn't shifted yet...and I will persevere cause even though I look like a blood red balloon after a time on the treadmill, I sleep well and I feel good that I have done something for me...

Maybe the reality for me is to think big and start small...To have the guts to put down on paper what it is that I desire and not be embarrassed... To take each day at a time and not have the need to control every aspect of every moment of every day...

My reality is that my victim does not have to engage primarily with the world, I have other aspects of me that are far more interesting to bring out to play...How about bringing the rebel to the fore for the next while?  Hmmm sounds like fun to me

Indeed I am wealthy!

I recently read an article where a financial guru spoke around creating wealth and what was involved in the process and it was with a keen sense of interest that I read and re-read his words around "creating your worth first" and then creating a sense of wealth. 
Isn't it interesting how life seems to hear exactly what it is that we need to experience so that we have a full body, mind and soul understanding of something!
Ha ! Well I was fortunate enough to fully understand what it is to be wealthy.

This weekend saw me speaking to a group of young women around the concept of creating a self-brand and the steps involved and the benefits that it would bring to each of them.
But before I even get to that (perhaps that's another blog) let me share this with you...

I walked into the room and even though I couldn't see the person's face as her back was to me, I recognised the voice!  A young woman that I had been fortunate enough to coach within her career about a year back...So I waited "in the wings" and when called on by the MC made my way to the front of the room.

It was like seeing something in slow motion... I remember introducing myself and at the same time seeing, out of the corner of my eye, this young lady in question jumping out of her chair almost over the table in front of her, and at the same time shouting out my name and then - WHAM - a hug of note and kisses planted on my cheeks!
The audience stared in rapt amazement - WHAT THE 5, 6 and 7!!

This young woman took the stage and announced to everyone there that I had single handedly changed her life and that she would forever be grateful to the gift of coaching that she had received from me...

In a split second I wondered how I was going to move back into speaking of self branding and at the same time allowed this amazing wave of acknowledgement wash over me...

It was then that I realised that this expression of acknowledgement not only allowed me to recognise my worth but more importantly made me realise the extent of my wealth!

I am indeed one of the richest women alive !  I get to do what I love doing each and every day of my life - being a life and executive coach, being a wife and mother, being a friend, being a daughter and sibling and every moment that I live my version of my own brand, I am shown wealth!

So for a moment, consider how wealthy you are and be grateful for the opportunities that are given to you for you to count the hugs, the smiles, the thank you's, the acknowledgements of every shape and form that allow you to recognise your worth and richness in the world.

The Victim in me and you..

If I said Archetype, would you say huh?  And if I said Bully, would you have knowingness of what I'm referring to?
Well in a nutshell an archetype is similar to a trait, a psychological patterning derived from historical roles in life.  Carl Jung described it as the "collective unconscious" - those universal patterns of behaviour that are there inherent in us all.

I love the space of archetypal coaching and facilitation, as no matter who we are, how "big" or "small", we all carry certain archetypes e.g. Victim.  Yes I know you might not believe it, yet it's true.  There are 2 sides to each and every archetype - that beautiful scale of balance. A bit like the nursery rhyme:
There was a little girl, who had a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead and when she was good, she was very very good, but when she was bad she was horrid.

Clever nursery rhyme - clever demonstration of balance.  And archetypes too carry the empowered and disempowered aspects to them.

So after the meltdown that I had this morning, let's look at the victim archetype.  Even though I'm reading a great book on the power of the subconscious mind and know the power of the mind, I fell into the victim trap.
"What is going to happen to me?"
"How come this never happens to anyone else?"
"How come everyone else has it better?"
"What have I done to deserve this?"
"Why does this always happen to me?"

Ugh, yuck !! The cesspool of victimhood!!

Now on the other hand if I look at it from the other perspective of "Look out, you're about to fall into the trap"...(which is always honey coated and very alluring)...and become more empowered within the victim archetype, the benefits are so much more real to me (and you).

So what are some tips to manage the shadow victim archetype:
- become aware of your triggers
- recognise when you're going down the tube
- ask yourself "what am I assuming?"
- what is the reality
- what is possible
- and what more is possible
- what can I do to feel empowered

In other words take back your personal power and feel power-full rather than power-less...

Do you recognise this in you?  What about someone at the office?  What is available to you to do it differently?

Here's to the balance in life !

Is there power in our thoughts and words?

Is there merit in the thinking that our thoughts and words create our reality?  Hmm, I'm beginning to think so.  I've been a practising coach for more than 5 years now, and in each coaching conversation constantly draw my clients' attention to their language, external and internal dialogue, for it is what we are thinking that creates a mood, and emotion and from there, the action...Also how our language not only affects our emotions, but also our body geography...
So why then, if this is what I "know" and facilitate, was I so devastated at the recent death of a friend?  Possibly because he constantly spoke of his fear around his security and that of his family? And within a year he was shot in a senseless killing!  Did he create this, his reality?  Was it pure coincidence?  Random?  Hand of G-d?  Who knows, possibly all of the above!

A week later, I sit with a sense of sadness in fleeting moments each day...Sad not only for his family, but sad for me....In that I have the availability to change my future and how much time I have wasted sitting in fear of "what if"!!

So where to from here: a conscious choice to wake up each morning and set the tone, the language for my day.  Creating positive outcomes, choosing conversations of possibility, standing up for who I am and what I believe in, creating a difference for the people around me.

With thanks to L for allowing me to see what else is possible!  And now I invite you to consciously create each moment of your day, designing the fabric of your life.